This is yet another old rant I've migrated from my old web site to Geeklog. This one is about something a lot of companies seem to think they need to have: Vision Statements (and/or Mission Statements).

Have you ever worked for a company where the head-honchos come up with a "Vision Statement"? Every company I have ever worked for has done this. They are not just for Dilbert anymore.

The Vision Statements of most companies tend to be very flowery and contain words such as "leverage", "empower", "partner", and "synergy". I think managers who spend all this time and effort coming up with this crap are wasting their time. If I was an owner or shareholder of a company that had managers wasting their time on this I'd put them to work scrubbing toilets instead. To come up with this stuff they must have indeed been having a vision: induced from smoking crack!

There is only one true "Vision Statement" for any company. It's "Sell stuff, make money." Anything beyond that is superfluous.

Update March 13, 2005.

I went to Zaxby's the other day. If you don't know, Zaxby's is a fast food chicken place. They have wings, chicken fingers, chicken sandwiches, etc. I happened to look at my receipt and noticed they had put their "mission statement" in big bold letters right in the middle of it. I've reproduced it below. Get ready. I couldn't make something like this up! Don't believe me, here it is on their own web site.

Zaxby's Mission Statement "Consistently create encore experiences that enrich lives one person at a time!!"

All that is about chicken. Now I don't mean to pick on Zaxby's too much. I mostly like their chicken. The service is good. Some of the stores have cute jailbait girls working in them. Overall it's a pleasant experience and it keeps me from starving to death. But an encore experience that enriches my life. Give me a fricken chicken break!

Speaking of fast food, I think I've figured out what a good mission statement would be for McDonalds.

McDonalds: Makes A Turd